Within Lidia Underwood’s diary were hundreds of poems. Here are a few excerpts.
Problems. 2/15/95
Yeah, I’ve always had more than a few
every time I discard one I get dealt two more that are new
Society tells me they’re mine alone to solve
Since after all, it’s I they seem to revolve
For some that’s true, it’s certainly been the case
Others come from nowhere, from some unseen place
Because you see, sometimes I’ve taken steps improving myself
something swoops in, moving the prize to the next higher shelf
So I ask; What will I do once at the end of my rope?
When I’ve lost everything, including my last shred of hope?
Society will want me to fold this hand I can’t win.
Well, to hell with them all, I’ll be going all in.
Because I’ll refuse to live forever with dreams locked in a cage
I’ll have no choice but to come out swinging with fists curled with rage
But until then, by the rules, I’ll continue to play
Hoping I never actually see the day
Where my hope is lost and replaced with tears at night
Because I’m built to last, you can say I’m built for a fight
I know this because this society has made me evolve
I’ve learned to survive problems — creating more I can’t solve
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College. 9/24/95
I got to campus thinking things would for me change
That friendships and dates would magically themselves all arrange
But there’s something wrong with every boy in the city
They can’t get past that I’m deeper then a face they claim is pretty
I know there’s someone out there as lost and alone as me
A person out there too trying to earn themselves a degree
It will be hard to not be instantly clingy or overly attached
Too much too soon and I’ll again be dispatched
It’s strange how my self-perception can fluctuate day to day
Yesterday I felt attractive and strong and now I just want to go away
I hope that tomorrow everything aligns altogether in a dance
To meet a friend, anyone, all I need is a fair chance
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